25 Comments


  • Huh. Oddly, I don’t recall a lot of that from the original text. How can you miss something that didn’t exist?

    September 02, 2007
  • I have my doubts about this movie, although it certainly looks like it will have pretty moments (Angelina’s stiletto-HOOVES *grin*) . . . I’ll definitely get it on Netflix, don’t know if I’ll see it in the theater.

    — A <3

    September 02, 2007
  • P.S. Oddly enough, I’m watching “Eaters of the Dead” right now, because it happens to be on Encore *grin*

    — A ^_^

    September 02, 2007
  • While yes, there are a number of women in Beowulf I highly doubt that any of them, especially Grendel’s Mother, look a bit like Angelina Jolie. But then that’s what acting is for, right? Oh, wait…nevermind.

    As your token Beowulf scholar…I had already decided that this movie doesn’t much look like the Beowulf I know (and have read in Anglo-Saxon). But I’ll go see it anyway.

    Anon

    September 03, 2007
  • Yeah, that was my thought. But I’m really looking forward to Jolie’s scene with the stripper pole in Hrothgar’s mead hall.

    September 03, 2007
  • Shelly Rae! Hi girl!

    Yes, I’m deeply amused by Gaiman’s faithfulness to the original text. I’m sure he read it in the original text. John Gardner is probably doing 1,500 RPM in his grave.

    September 03, 2007
  • Hi Andi. Oh, are definitely going to see it at an IMAX theater: aside from the whole 3D thing, we figure Anthony Hopkins is a pretty, rich guy, and once this stinker is out he’s going to buy up all the prints and burn them.

    September 03, 2007
  • *laughs* This may be true!

    — A :>

    September 03, 2007
  • Well, you know Gaiman’s going to be the next World SF GoH, right? So he must be right about this. I’m guessing he read the lost second book of Bayouwolf. You know, the parts that the Church of England kept locked away in a tomb under St. Peter’s for 300 years due to the sexual nature of it.

    I hear that when the priests who keep watch over such blasphemous works took their annual Tour of the Tome Tombs in 2004, it – and some other risque texts – were nowhere to be found.

    Gaiman has fans. The book is missing. Just add it up, buster.

    September 04, 2007
  • Ha!

    It would almost be reassuring to think Gaiman was that clever. Boy I’d have loved to be a fly on the wall during those script meetings:

    “Um, Neil, I’m told that Grendel’s mother is actually quite hideous in the book, and apparently she doesn’t seduce Beowulf.”

    “Who are you going to believe, a tremendous chick magnet like me, or some fusty old English professor?”

    September 04, 2007
  • Hahahaha!

    Actually, the priest responsible for maintaining that book was once voted Sexiest CoE Official in Portsmouth as a boy.

    September 04, 2007
  • Guh. I am so scared by the whole notion of, well, everything.

    September 04, 2007
  • Well, sure. I mean, the movie’s subtitle says it all: Beowulf: Another Reason to Wake Up Screaming

    September 04, 2007
  • hmm, I don’t recall a stripper pole in Herot–but perhaps that’s just a translation error…
    Anon

    September 05, 2007
  • And the ironic thing? Gardner lifted much of his work from various Beowulf scholars. Perhaps Gaiman discovered some of the fragments that have flaked off the Beowulf manuscript after it was tossed out the window in the Cotton Library fire.

    I keep wondering why they bother to call these movies Beowulf? They could call it the adventures of Harold, slayer of monsters and big sexy guy and not pretend to be following some ancient text they can’t read nor care to. I mean heck, Beowulf doesn’t sleep with Grendel’s mother, he swims down to her lair and cuts off her head with a magic sword. And later? He dies slaying a dragon. I mean really! What’s not to like?
    But heck, perhaps that just me.
    Anon

    September 05, 2007
  • Well, it’s probably been a long time since you read it:

    Then the work I find afar was assigned
    To many races in middle-earth’s regions,
    To adorn the great folk-hall. In due time it happened
    Early ‘mong men, that ’twas finished entirely,
    The greatest of hall-buildings; Heorot he named it
    Entabled with many mead flagons and pithed in its centr
    A great stripper pole of gleaming brass, cunning-wrought
    And sticky.

    September 05, 2007
  • I keep wondering why they bother to call these movies Beowulf?

    I bet at least some of the reason is because these guys are intellectual poseurs.

    September 05, 2007
  • Oh, thank god. For weeks now, I’ve been thinking I’d just not read Beowulf in so long that I’d forgotten a whole bunch of stuff…

    September 05, 2007
  • Hi Andrew! I got a laugh out of this, especially since I had the same initial reaction (though I was pretty sure Angelina Jolie wasn’t in the original).

    September 06, 2007
  • Hey! Hope you’re well, it’s been ages… I first saw that AJ had been cast as Mom ages ago, and I thought, “How interesting — she’ll have that purring AJ voice and she’ll be the big scary monster we all know and love.” But no. I’m curious enough about the result to go see it, but now I can’t decide whether I should re-read the original just to recognize the atrocities as they go by, or leave my recollection fuzzy and try to appreciate the movie for what it is.

    September 06, 2007
  • “How interesting — she’ll have that purring AJ voice and she’ll be the big scary monster we all know and love.”

    Ha! Funny you should mention that. Here’s the first few graphs from the Los Angeles Times piece I cited above:

    Angelina Jolie’s lips look even fuller than usual. She’s emerging naked from a pool of dank cave water, rivulets of gold streaming gently down her body.

    “Giiiif meee sonnnn,” she coos, in an Old English accent.

    Her flaxen hair is braided down her back in a long tail that slowly undulates and slaps the dark pool around her. She continues to purr enticements about making babies as a virtual camera circles 360 degrees panning around her long limbs and waist. Gold dribbles down her inner thighs past her feet, revealing sharp stilettos merged with bestial hooves.For the record, I’m going to reread it.

    September 12, 2007
  • Hey, isn’t it about your birthday or something?

    In which case: Happy Birthday to you!

    If not, well, check this out when the time is right *g*

    Hope you and Ellie are doing well.

    Best,
    Chris

    October 12, 2007
  • But it was fun!

    Come on, you guys! It was fun! And it had a much more coherent plot than the original. And I liked the male nudity, even though I know it was computer generated. And the suggestive banter. And some of the bizarre stuff was even in the original.

    It does provide a connection between the monster and his mom story and the dragon story. I thought that was clever.

    But I reread the original and didn’t find that stripper pole, Bob. Which translation was that???? Commissioned by the Heffner foundation?

    December 22, 2007
  • Re: But it was fun!

    That’s the Hunter S. Thompson translation.

    It might be fun, I guess, were I not such a curmudgeon. I mean, I sat through all three Lord of the Rings movies with and (though Bill bagged on the final one), wishing Peter Jackson would develop gastric fistulas filled with sea urchins.

    December 23, 2007
  • Hey, I just came across this responding to Mary’s comment below (don’t know why the e-mail notification didn’t work).

    Thanks! That birthday seems about a decade ago. We’re doing well, gearing up to celebrate the birth of the Consumer Messiah.

    December 23, 2007

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