Things I Am Not Making Up

I knew there was a new film version of Beowulf in the works, co-written by Neil Gaiman. and I had seen a preview, and my first thought was, “I don’t remember so many women in the book.” So I was prepared to be underwhelmed.

I almost choked on my coffee this morning, though, while reading the New York Daily News “Fall 101,” a roundup of coming attractions in film and music, and found out who would be playing Grendel’s mother. That devil-shaped woman is played by none other than pillow-lipped serial adopter Angelina Jolie (last seen making grief unbearably telegenic as the widow of murdered Wall Street Journal reporter Danny Pearl in A Mighty Heart).

Having read that, I couldn’t help wanting a better look at this cinematic train wreck. Imagine my childish delight when I Googled up a Los Angeles Times review and found: “Later, Grendel’s mother (Jolie) seduces Beowulf so that she can produce a replacement heir that will allow her to reestablish her dominion over the kingdom.”

But Neil Gaiman is sensitive to the integrity of the original text. The LA Times piece wraps up with this:

“I have no idea if this thing is going to work because it isn’t done yet,” Gaiman said. “But because it’s so hyper-real and immersive, once you are two to three minutes in, I think it will own you for the full 90 minutes.”

Gaiman is also a vocal proponent of an unrated version of “Beowulf” down the line.

Even more than nudity, Gaiman said, “I just really miss all the swearing.”